A change in estate...

"Sometimes the road is crystal, and sometimes
I feel like I'm losing my mind. Tell me what it is
you think you're missing, and I will see what I can find.

You want to be so sure of every step you take
You can't always know what's coming You can't
always trust the twist of fate."

Welcome back to any and all who formerly read by "The Real Estate" Blog! I enjoyed writing that and my experiences in the world of real estate. What I discovered however, was that I preferred just writing about the world around me in general. Real Estate, being a dream of mine for some time meant that I had a target to write about. Now I'm free to simply write! Which has always been a joy of mine. So here is the "Dreaming Tree", my new blog for as long as my exile from Real Estate lasts.

Real Estate is a TOUGH, and I repeat TOUGH job to break into. I honestly was NOT prepared for the outright challenges. I had an idea of what it would take, but the bottom line was that it also takes a lot of financial preparation as well as mental preparation. I was ready for building my brand, and a slow entry into the world. What I was not realistic about was that EVERY thing you can think of came with a price tag. In ANY business advertising is key. Networking is key. Getting your name and face out there is what it is all about. However with any business, without the proper financial prep work, your doomed to fail out. I gambled, I was not financially prepared to grow a business yet, and as a result I had to press 'pause' on my career, and seek gainful employment so that I could keep our family above water! Bills don't seem to care about dream chasers! 

Those closest to me watched as the foundation slipped away beneath me and I more or less plummeted into depression. After all I had my dream all but in my grasp, and I had almost no choice but to let it go. Its one thing to not do well in a job you simply do to pay the bills, it was another for me to not do well at something that had meant so much to me.What not as many folks out in the world was that I was fighting a battle on multiple fronts. 

You see at any given time I am often playing family counselor for any combination of people in my immediate family, and have done so for most of my adult life. Without going into a lot of private detail, suffice it to say my family has always used me as the one to run to with problems and I've always listened and tried to help figure out solutions for turmoil and other problems that have arisen over the years. I think the biggest problem was that once again I was having problems dumped on me that I have heard time and again and which never seem to change. A lot of emotional "turmoil" is often dropped in my lap. Out of love and respect for my family I've always wanted to be there to be that 'shoulder to cry on', however it sometimes grows into placing me in awkward positions within the family that one shouldn't have ever been put into, as no family member ever really WANTS to take a side one way or another, especially when it comes to their elders.

In addition I was facing some turmoil of my own with life-long friends, that I just really didn't need at this time in my life. This by no-means should be interpreted that I had no fault or part to play in this drama in my life. I did indeed have a hand to play, and have accepted as much blame as I could for my inability to accept change. I was a stubborn pain in the ass quite frankly. I am happy to report that as of this writing much of it has subsided and life is returning to ... well I will say a 'new normal'. 

My new normal began to take shape as I struggled to overcome all these battles I was facing on these various fronts. I think my sanity would have remained more intact, but timing was quite possibly horribly, so many things came to culmination at the same time. I was crushed as a person. There were many days I struggled to find a reason to get out of bed. I think what hurt the most at the time was being at odds with a person I'd always been able to count on in the past to sort of pick me up and get me back on my feet. I spent a lot of time focusing on a solution to that problem, that some of the others were getting worse. As a result the depression deepened.

It was around this time that new faces start presenting themselves in my world. Recent friends in my life, people that I'd known for awhile but, I never was as close to. It was odd to me, and I was stubborn to accept that it was these folks that were seeing me and attempting to come to my aid. Over the past five or six weeks, I've been picked up, dusted  off. I drew a line in the sand on the battles I was fighting. I refocused my energies on finding gainful employment, which was priority number one. Let me tell ya, you really can make a full time career out of simply applying for jobs! One benefit of this is that you can do almost all of it from the comfort of you own home, while wearing sloppy sweat pants and an over-sized hoodie, and a week's worth of beard growth!

I've now found a new job! It's not what I had pictured for myself, it's a return to the office world, but I take solace in knowing it's back to a steady pay, it's working with a very dear friend that I've known for years, and it's an opportunity with growth possibilities. I start shortly after the holidays in the new year and I'm looking forward to it! It's also going to be the first time in over five or six years that I've had a job where I will be home on evenings and weekends! So LC is excited as much as myself for that! Actually I will be at the same company as her, so we will have an opportunity to possibly commute together, and thereby save on gas, and lease mileage on our cars! So cheers to that!  

They say, "... it is always darkest before the dawn." I've never realized the simple truth of this statement until recently. This past fall may have been one of the darkest times of my life. I spent so much time and energy fighting change on many fronts. I spent all that time trying to keep things as they had been. I fought hard to maintain a status quo that may not have been in my best interest at all. I focused a lot on the wrong things that I was missing the new things that were happening that were actually right! And in the ensuing weeks I've realized that I don't really miss what wasn't working for me in the Fall. I don't miss the job that was a dream, but may or may not have been right for me. I don't miss trying to maintain family balance on old issues with my family, and have re-assigned the task of figuring those problems out to the individuals they actually effect. And lastly I don't mind that I've had let go of the strength of some old friendships, as I have found strength in multiple new friendships. I'm learning to accept the cyclical nature of life, and how much can change so quickly. I'm generally happy again, on the mend. Like so many kingdoms before, I am rebuilding my foundations sturdier so that I will weather future storms easier.

That is the most important thing I can take from this. It seemed easy to let failure, longing for the past, and holding on to a failing job- succumbing to the depression. One of the great lessons I will take from this life is to not succumb. I understand depression now. I never did before. It's easy to let the negative emotions swallow you. But if you can find that light, one good thing. You can beat it, and leave behind what put you there. I am rebuilding my 'new normal' and saying goodbye to the old one. 

Cheers to new possibilities in 2015! 

Thanks to everyone who reads my writings. And thank you to all of my supporters out there!

I promise I will write a little less so gloomy for my next entry!! Happy holidays!